...I have an O.S.M.

O.S.M. stands for “Oh Shit” Moment. I have provided two examples:

OSM #1
Dear audience, I haven’t been completely honest with you. I left out some juicy gossip that happened to me during my first day in Dublin. Gossip sells and so does humiliation at the author’s expense, so here it is.

I arrived in Dublin by bus from Carickmacross. Plan: seek out cycle messengers. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know that if I ride my bike to the junction of St. Stephen’s Green and Grafton Street, I should be met by cycle messengers on the lookout for lost souls. So, I take off heading south on O’Connell Street, repeatedly telling myself to, “Stay left, left, left, left, right—NO! I mean left! Dammit!” It is a war zone on the streets of Dublin. Lesson #1: Buses aim for bikes. Lesson #2: Taxis aim for bikes. Lesson #3: Pedestrians don’t follow Walk/Don’t Walk instructions. Lessons 1-3 were learned within the first three suspenseful minutes.

I make it to Grafton Street, one of the few pedestrian only streets in Dublin, unharmed and blood pounding. I maneuvered my way down Grafton Street on bike narrowly missing street performers, baby carriages, flower stands, and cell phone texters. Bonus points if I didn’t have to take my foot of the pedals. As promised, a messenger tells us where to go: “We’re all hanging out by the southeast entrance to the park. You can’t miss us.”

I arrive to this:



Moments after taking this picture, I had my first OSM of the trip.

In the midst of eating an overripe banana, who do I see walking toward my general direction to greet a fellow messenger?
My ex-fiance.
Whom I haven’t spoken to in two years.
“Oh shit, I don’t believe this.” The banana falls to the concrete.


The symbolism of the nature of our encounter is not lost on me. I see him standing before me in the city where I first ended our relationship five years ago after only 1 ½ months of dating because I wanted to be independent and free to experience Dublin during my study abroad program. One week after we broke up, I had a near-death accident, the physiological and psychological stress and fright of which brought me to seek comfort in his strength, comfort, and shelter. We remained together for the rest of college, got engaged, and then moved to Portland so that I could begin graduate school. Not a year after we moved, our relationship faltered. Ultimately, I believe that it had simply run its course and our lives were diverging. I was on track with my career (or so I thought. See Blog entry #1 for history), he was struggling (or so it seemed at the time). Normally, dedicated couples can work through this but for one reason or another we didn’t. The breakup was messy. I admit that I was awful at times and there were things that I would have done differently. But, in the moment, I felt it was necessary for me to be direct and unabashedly honest. Now, after all the reasons I gave why we should break up (You don’t know what you want to do with your life. I can’t solve all your problems for you. We are going separate ways.), we meet again only to discover that we share similar passions. However, now the tables are reversed. He is happy, confident, and secure with his life choices. I am alone, unsure and insecure.

I walk up to him in disbelief. He sees me, his jaw falls to the floor. He puts his hands on his face à la “Home Alone” and says, “Oh. Shit. I don’t believe this.”

We hug. We chat. We make small talk. We check out each other’s bikes. We show off our tattoos. I explain to him exactly what I’m doing in Dublin. I already know why he is there. He works as a bike messenger in LA and is thus competing in the world championships. Then we go our separate ways. I speak to him a few more times, and each time I couldn’t help but imagine him silently laughing at the irony of our chance encounter.

OSM #2

I wake up. Stare at the ceiling.

Look out the window without rising from bed.

I have no idea what time it is. I never replaced my broken watch and therefore live in a state of perpetual timelessness.

I guess the time to be 9:30. I don’t bother checking if I’m right. What do to, what to do. I have no job, no home. I don’t know how long my money will last. I keep adding more items on my To Do list without crossing any off. I miss my friends, family, and Portland. I question my reasons for coming to Ireland.

What am I seeking? What do I want to discover? Why did I leave Portland, the only city with which I’ve felt such a strong connection? I could have found another job, a cheaper apartment in Portland. I had my friends, my local hangouts, my yoga studio, my knitting group, my hobbies, & my creature comforts. Perhaps I didn’t have to leave it all behind.

Oh shit. What. Am. I. Doing. Here?

I knew this OSM would come. Hell, you knew this moment would come. It was unavoidable. The challenge now is to acknowledge its presence and move on. This is where your inner strength comes into play. This is where you learn about yourself, your limitations, your expectations, and your goals.

Acknowledge. Move on.

This is why you came here.